


Reset Diary: Nico

by Caribous (Carib0u)



Series: The Reset Diaries [1]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Drama, F/F, Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:22:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 11,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9108289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carib0u/pseuds/Caribous
Summary: First-year Otonokizaka Academy student Yazawa Niko's first days back after being hospitalized take a strange and disturbing turn.





	1. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu, Nikki-san!

_Friday, May? 27?, 2011_

**Yoroshiku onegaishimasu, Nikki-san!**

I am Yazawa Nico and I have just started as a student at Otonokizaka! It's a great school, and super-idol Nico is going to be a star, there! You have a big sister, so maybe I should call you Nikki-chan and my other diary is Nikki-oneesan to you. I hope you don't mind. My regular nikki is lost, Mama said I should use a new nikki she got me until I can find it. She acted very strange. Your Nico-nii is not feeling very good. Nico was in a hospital, can you believe it? A lot of things hurt Nico, but she's going to go to school anyway and she is going to keep smiling. Nico is sleepy now, because she took some medicine for pain, so oyasumi, Nikki-chan! Nico Nico nii!


	2. Hallo, Nikki-chan!

_Saturday, May? 28?, 2011_

**Hallo, Nikki-chan!**

Today was Nico's first day back at school. I should mention a few things before I forget:

Maybe the weirdest thing first. I saw an older girl, a second year. When she saw Nico, she said "Kami-sama! Nico-chan." Like that. I asked her "Do I know you, sempai?" and she sort of turned away and motioned Nico away. So a rude, crazy girl like that exists!

I saw Toujou Nozomi, who's an ichinensei like me. She looked different somehow but Nikki-chan you wouldn't know how she normally looks. Being an idol is a lot of work, and unfortunately, Nico hasn't had any time to make friends, but Nozomi-chan is sometimes nice to Nico, and Nico is always glad to see her. With her body, she would be a good gravure idol. Nico is a cutesie idol, so if someone like Nozomi was in the Idol Club it would be good, but Nozomi wants to be on the student council now. I think Nozomi's friend Eli, who is from Russia and also a first-year, talked her into it. Nico told Nozomi she was going to the Idol Club, but Nozomi said she heard it had a power problem so it wasn't open today. Nico has not had good luck lately.

Why did Nico have to go to school today with crutches and also a cast on her arm, so she had a hard time holding the crutch under that arm-pit? Nico doesn't know, to be honest. But I should write down what I remember, Nikki-chan, before I forget. Nico woke up in a hospital a week ago, or maybe earlier, it's hard to keep track, and didn't know where she was or why she was there. Nico was scared and she cried, Nikki-chan, but you wouldn't blame me, right? It hurt a lot. It still hurts Nico but not so bad as that was. Nico has to go to school and come home and make dinner for Cocoro-chan and Coco-chan and Kotorou-kun. Mama used up all her leave time for the year at both of her jobs. And Nico has to do that with only one arm and sitting on a stool. And with medicine from pain making Nico sleepy. Mama bought Nico a timer so if she falls asleep making dinner Nico can wake up and things don't burn.

 

* * *

 

**Nico is happy to have Nikki-chan to talk to,**

 

But it would be nice if Nico had friends at school.

Maybe Nozomi and Nico can be friends? It seems like Nozomi's tits have gotten even bigger since Nico was in the hospital, but a super-idol is too nice to be jealous. It almost seemed like Nozomi was there waiting when Nico got to school. She told me I should go to the principal, Minami-sensei, and not go to class today. Minami-sensei told me she did not think I was ready to go back to school yet, and she sent back an envelope to show Mama. Nico-nii got a little upset and asked why the school bothered telling Mama I should come today, but Minami-sensei said it was important to talk to her personally about this.

I guess Minami-Sensei appointed Nozomi-chan to take care of me today, because she didn't seem to go back to class. When Nico started to turn to the Idol Club hallway, Nozomi reminded me that the club was closed. I asked her if she told Ah-chan and Mim-chan. Those two girls sometimes come to the club with me. We have two ghost members, Rin and Yuzu, but they only showed up once so far. Ah-chan and Mim-chan have actually practiced routines with Nico. It's a worry, maybe if Nico can't practice, the club will end? Nozomi said Ah-chan and Mim-chan know about the Idol club.

She said they weren't in school today, but she was mistaken, because as we were leaving to have Nozomi walk me home, I saw Ah-chan and Mim-chan talking to a teacher. Maybe they got called in like Nico, because they weren't wearing their uniforms.

"Ah-chan! Mim-chan!" is what I yelled. And they were surprised. They both turned around like they had heard a ghost. "Nico is so sorry, Ah-chan, Mim-chan. I promise I will fix the club room and even if Nico can't practice for a while, she still wants to help Ah-chan and Mim-chan practice." I couldn't really send them a smile fully, but I made horns with one hand and winked.

The way they looked at me made Nico feel strange, Nikki-chan. I don't know why, but I blurted out "You aren't going to leave the idol club, please? Please, please don't leave."

Ah-chan looked down for a second, then looked me in the face. She started to say something, then stopped and looked behind me. It seems Nozomi was making some kind of motion to her that Nico didn't catch.

"Nico-chan, we are both leaving Otonokizaka. It's nothing you have done."

Mim-chan nodded her head. They both looked like they felt bad. But that was nothing compared to how I felt. Can you blame Nico, Nikki-chan? I think Kami-sama doesn't like Nico, although it's hard to imagine someone who is good and powerful not liking cute Nico-chan. Still, I think that's the case. It went like:

"What about Rin-san and Yuzu-san?"

"Those girls had to leave the club, too, Nico, you just weren't told about it."

So, Nico was alone. It was just like a bad, bad dream Nico had, that she couldn't remember, Nikki-chan. I was in the Idol Research Club, all alone, because everyone left me, and no one even talked to me for weeks at a time, and my dream - my dream is to be a super, super idol, Nikki-chan - was impossible. And then some other stuff happened but it is all blurry.


	3. Nikki-chan, Nico is sorry for dripping tears onto you yesterday :(

Sunday, May? 29?, 2011

**Nikki-chan, Nico is sorry for dripping tears onto you yesterday :(**

Yesterday Ah-chan and Mim-chan told me something to cheer me up that was a lie. They said while I was in the hospital the Idol club got six new members and was in no danger. Nozomi said "Well ..." but then she agreed with them. I guess it was nice to lie to Nico so she wouldn't fall over and drop her crutches and injure herself and lie there crying. Which is what I was headed for. Nozomi held Nico up and even Ah-chan and Mim-chan hugged Nico tightly and wished me luck. Maybe we were closer to being friends than I thought. In the club, which Nico begged everyone to join, it felt like those two, they are best friends, were not enthusiastic and maybe a little cold. I apologized to Nozomi for having to walk me home and miss classes, but she said she was happy to do it. I wished Ah-chan and Mim-chan good luck with their transfers. They said they were both headed for the same school. Some people, in contrast to others, are very lucky and Kami-sama smiles on them. But if God doesn't smile on you, you have to make your own smiles. Maybe when Nico dies alone and unknown she can ask Papa why it was so hard to do. But that's not how to think. If Nico doesn't keep smiling, what else do I have?


	4. Nikki-chan, Nico is sorry for crying more tears into your pages again

Monday, May? 30, 2011

**Nikki-chan, Nico is sorry for crying more tears into your pages again**

So yesterday Nico was home and it was boring and Nico hurt all over. The good thing is Nico was able to make breakfast and dinner slowly and carefully and lunch for herself. The bad thing is everything else. When Nico watches idol shows on disk because she is learning for her future, it's exciting. When she is watching something that will never happen, it is not so exciting. Sorry, Nikki-chan, but Nico is a good idol but not as good a fan as she thought she was. Nico was so bored she tried writing in Nikki-chan yesterday, but no luck. When Nico is home completely alone all day it's a good time to cry. I feel like, if I never cry, trying to smile all the time is impossible, so cry at home and smile away is the new plan. Except around Cocoro and Coco and Cotarou.

This is why Nico loves her Mama so much: when Mama got home she said, can you help me in the bedroom with something, Nico?" And when I went with her she said "It's okay to cry around me. I think it's very nice to smile around your sisters and brother, but you never should feel like you have to pretend to me. I didn't want you to see this side of life so young, but it can't be helped."

I haven't had to say "shoganai" since Papa died. If I get well I am going to sing and dance my heart out to make Kami-sama ashamed of how He has treated Nico-chan.


	5. Nikki-chan, today was not a nico-nico day.

Tuesday, May? 31?, 2011

**Nikki-chan, today was not a Nico Nico day.**

Nico-chan had Mama tell the little ones Nico was not feeling well. I made food early and went to bed so I would not have to be cheerful tonight. What I was thinking about: I wish I had died in middle school when Nico was still hopeful and stupid. Sorry, Nikki-chan.


	6. Osashiburi ne, Nikki-chan

Friday, June? 3?, 2011

**Osashiburi ne, Nikki-chan**

Not really, but it has been over two days since I last wrote in you. Yesterday a lot happened. When I got up I decided if I am going to talk to my nikki, I am going to talk to Nico. What's the difference. So Nico gave herself a pep talk. Not too soon: Nozomi phoned to talk to Nico. She said maybe somebody can be arranged to tutor Nico and if it is the girl she has in mind she is even worthy of helping a super-idol. THen she made Nico sit back on the bed, but Nico was already doing that. "The Idol Club wants to meet you sometime," she said. Nico is the idol club, and she had already had a meeting this morning.

But Nico-nii could not say that to Nozomi. But Nozomi said emergency arrangements were made. That means she and Eli did it. She said there are six people in the club now, just like she, Ah-chan and Mim-chan said. But Nico is not the president. It's to keep the club going. Nico is not even a member anymore. Nico is not even a real Otonokizaka student anymore. But Minami-sensei said that she feels Nico can rejoin after she heals if she takes extra courses after school or has a tutor. Okay, Nico can accept this. This is the "six members joined" that she can believe. It would be impossible they heard Nico needed members and joined out of sympathy.

Nozomi says the new president, Hanayo, a second-year, looks up to Nico, Nico is going to believe it when she sees it. She says Nico should meet them as soon as possible. That she will get along with them, including the girl that dances in the center - they already have routines? They must have done idol practice in middle school. She mentioned that girl twice - Honoka maybe was the name. The way she said her name was strange. Something is up with that girl.

 

* * *

 

**Nikki-chan, two nights ago:**

Nico hasn't written about that. But it was the reason for Nico's pep talk. That day Nico woke up, made breakfast, and had a nap. Then she did housework. Nico is not a NEET, she is a handicapped housewife and mother right now. And sometimes sleeping at night is hard the past few days. Nico was pretty asleep though, two nights ago. Then she heard screaming from the room Cocoro, Coco and Kotorou are in. Nico has her own room but it's on a cat's forehead.

Cocoro knocked on Nico's door and I said she can open it. We went to their room, slowly. Both Coco and Cotarou were howling. I thought one set the other off, but no. They both had bad dreams. Cocoro was pulling out futons. She wiggled her hand down for me to come to her.

"When we heard the train crashed, Mama's face was really bad, Onee-san. I think it was like when Papa went into the next world, but I don't remember well. She looked like a grandma and she didn't seem to know what to do. They have dreams like this sometimes since then, that they're left all alone." Cocoro and the little ones pushed the beds to the wall and put futons on the floor. I lay down in the middle, Coco got on one side and Cotarou on the other. Cocoro was next to Coco on another futon and we could reach and hold hands. My crutches were next to Cotarou. "Coco and Cotarou I have bad dreams, too. If we all stay together, we won't have so many bad dreams, okay?"

Not long after I went to their room. Mama looked in. Cocoro and I were by the closet with the futons. "Nico and Cocoro, you need to make sure they don't hurt Nico's arm and leg. She could be injured for life if you're careless. Both of you watch that. Nico, if they hurt you even a little, I want you to really yell out. Say OW! or whatever so they notice it and it scares them. It's the only way little children like that can understand it's not a game."

It's a feeling of freedom having a license to yell OW! so Nico did. By the way, Cocoro was the first person to tell Nico how the hell she got into a hospital in the first place. I didn't make any fuss over it, in case Cocoro would feel guilty about revealing some sort of big secret. I did wonder what I had been doing on a train. It was too early for a school trip. By the way, that's how we slept. Nico and her siblings had no more bad dreams that night.


	7. Nikki-chan, today Nico has a wheelchair.

Saturday, June? 4?, 2011

**Nikki-chan, today Nico has a wheelchair.**

Nico's trains for the whole year are also paid. Our prefecture offered to get a trained dog to help Nico, or to hire someone to sometimes go to school and help Nico, or to pay for her trains, so Mama and I said pay for our trains. We can't keep a dog fed and have no room for one. And I don't know what a person helping Nico at school once a week would do. There is a special flag on the wheelchair that people should make way for so Nico can get on in the section where the handicapped board. With this, Nico can go back to school earlier. I hope you aren't bored, Nikki-chan. Nico is excited. Apparently Eli and Nozomi did all this for us. I wonder what the president and vice president of the student council do, it seems like those two are all-powerful even though they are just assisting.

Also the hospital told Mama. and Mama told Nico, that Nico is hurting so much in the arm and leg because they both still have many pins in them. "Still" have? It seems in fact that Nico was supposed to rest mostly and not walk around on crutches except in an emergency, and there are still surgeries to be done on both legs and both arms and other parts of Nico's body. Instead of school tomorrow Nico has to be examined, but it's as easy to get to Nishikino Hospital as to school, so that's not a problem. And wheelchairs can, of course, go right in. So that's how Nico's first ride in a wheelchair will happen.


	8. Nikki-chan, Nico's going to be better someday.

Sunday, June? 5?, 2011

**Nikki-chan, Nico's going to be better someday.**

Not any time soon, certainly not in time for the Love Live! that is coming up. But no more leaving the wheelchair for a while. Nico got some money from the prefecture to help with her school and her train and for a wheelchair. I think mama blames herself for Nico having to suffer her way to school alone. Mama used to be too proud to take money no matter what, but no longer. But the doctor said Nico should not be on crutches and now she needs to heal much longer. Nico can use them to go to the bathroom and move a little around the house. Also Cocoro is doing the housekeeping, though Nico is still cooking. The little kids hand Nico things now, and Mama or Cocoro do the shopping. Nozomi said she would stop by with things sometime. And the doctor said Nico won't be forever handicapped by all of this. But training in the future will need to be careful and use braces and such things. Nico used to be too proud to have Cocoro do the housekeeping, but no longer. A super-idol can overcome even being crippled for a while. Even for a year or more.


	9. A disaster, sort of, Nikki-chan.

Tuesday, June? 7?, 2011

**A disaster, sort of, Nikki-chan.**

Even though Nico is in a wheelchair, she decided to go to Otonokizaka anyway, in time to see the Idol Research Club. Nozomi, who is becoming a true friend to Nico, came early to get me. She told mama that "if Nico insists on going to Otonokizaka," she should take time to talk to Minami-sensei again. If Nico is willing to be the girl in the wheelchair, she can start school pretty soon. Most things went smoothly, Nico got a call from Nozomi when she was making bentos for Cocoro and the little kids, so Nico made two more, one for her and one for Nozomi. Nozomi told mama she should call her Nozomi and not Toujou-san, and mama told me to tell Nozomi it's okay if she calls her "mama Yazawa" like she calls her talking to Nico. The little flag worked and Nico got on the train easy with Nozomi as her assistant so they could ride together in the crippled car.

Minami-sensei was very kind this time, and told Nico she could start school in a week or two. She said Nico has to work out tutoring hours with Nishikino-san, the girl assigned to be Nico's tutor. By the way, even standing near Minami-sensei, Nozomi, who is only 15 like Nico - she really looks like a grown woman. It's not just her breasts. Her butt and her face and her everything looks super grown-up. I am not sure even Nico's super-idol growth spurt will catch Nico up when it happens.

Nico felt a little pride wheeling herself into the Idol Research Club room. All the great things Nico bought and brought in are there and some things the other members must have brought, and all of it looks like it's been used. However, there was no one there. Nozomi said they must all be "on the roof." Why would a whole club go on the roof? Nico feared the worst.

Nozomi said she would leave me there and go talk to Rin, who was probably "leading practice." So first of all, Rin was back? My ghost member? Also, leading a practice? More and more has not been adding up, Nikki-chan. First Nozomi said our two regulars weren't in school, and they were. Then they said Rin-san and Yuzu-san were gone from the club, and now Rin was back. And they were practicing being idols? On the roof? It takes a lot of training even to start doing things together as practice idols, and we were only a month or two into the year. Well, Nico had planned to be practicing by this time, but that meant the president, a girl named Koizumi Hanayo, had been just as good as Nico-nii in running the club. So, I didn't know how to feel about that. So when Nozomi went to talk to Rin, I said, please ask Rin to come down and talk to Nico. And Nico waited and looked at idol web sites.

Nozomi knocked and said, Rin is with me. But when I saw the girl with her, it was a surprise. She wasn't our Rin at all, she was smaller and her hair was dyed orange. Our ghost member Rin-san would never have done that. This Rin looked like a boy who did sports more than a girl. I didn't know much about Rin-san, like I did about Ah-chan and Mim-chan, but she was very feminine and not interested much in sports. She said she might be interested in dancing if it helped her stay in shape to get a boyfriend.

So Nico said "you're RIN?" and the new Rin looked at Nico and said, "Yeah! Rin is Rin!" but her "yeah," wasn't "Un" or "Hai" but like English and also somehow like a cat, like "nyeah." She was very genki. Nozomi put her hand on Rin's arm and said "the original five names when the Idol Research Club turned in its application were Yazawa Nico, Fujioka Ageha, Shirai Mimi, Nitta Rin, and Sera Yuzu." This new Rin got a serious look on her face.

Then Nozomi said to me "Nico, this is Hoshizora Rin, who leads the idol practices." Nico said "Hajimemashite, Hoshizora-san." The new Rin said "Yoroshiku, Nico-chan!" even though no one had said anything about first names. But I think the new Rin is one of those genki girls that are overly friendly right away. Still, she was cute. Not super-idol Nico-nii cute, Nikki-chan, but cute. Like a boy that plays sports and grins is cute.

So now there was Koizumi Hanayo who leads the club, Kousaka Honoka who Rin and Nozomi said dances in the center, and somehow also runs the club, but the new Rin who runs the practices. And Nozomi and Eli (who hasn't been around lately) are apparently letting them do whatever they want because they are in the student council and their friends. And apparently Kousaka Honoka is part of the student council too.

Nico got a tear and said to Nozomi quietly "What can Nico do if the club has all that?" And Nozomi said "research, until you are well enough to train." Rin heard Nozomi and said the same: "Nico is the BEST researcher in the world. Although not as cute when researching as Kayo-chin." I wonder which one that is. And how cute she actually is. And what Nozomi told them about Nico doing research.

Nico heard boisterous noises, but fortunately she was far away from the door. It opened, and Five other girls came in in sweaty gym clothes. Three were third years, the others were second years. They were all kind of pretty, and more feminine than the new Rin that Nico may have to call Rin-chan from now on. One of them looked like she might be Rin's sister, though maybe they were both "gals" and just both dyed their hair similar colors. One of the third years had her black hair dyed midnight blue, and one of the second years had a dyed-looking deep red color, probably it was bleached but maybe she was some sort of hafu like Eli. The hair colors made them look more like idols, so maybe that was their gimmick. The other third year and second year had hair that was a little light but mostly normal. The two second years seemed shy. It was hard to see the face of the one with the deep red hair, she held back and did not come in.

The shy second year bowed to Nico-nii and said "Hi, I am Hanayo, I am in your care, Nico-san." So that was the club president. It was hard to imagine someone this shy and like a mouse running the club so well. Probably she leaned on Nozomi and Eli, and the two genki girls with the orange hair herded everyone to practice. If Nico had a weakness as an idol, it was that she tried to do everything herself. But the idol club now clearly ran on teamwork.

The other orange-haired gal came forward and said "Nico-chan! It's good to see you I mean not hurt or in a wheelchair but just here and stuff." Nozomi gave the girl a strange look. The girl got the same serious face her gal friend had got. "Oh, I am Honoka!"

So that was the girl who Nozomi said re-started the idol club? She didn't seem like she could organize her breakfast, so she must have hidden depths.

"You know, everyone?" Nozomi said, suddenly. "Nico is probably feeling some anxiety. She's taking medicine for pain, and she's here with all these NEW people she DOESN'T KNOW." She said that with a funny emphasis. And right then everyone else got that same strange look again.

Nozomi then introduced me to the other two third-years. One was Sonoda Umi, and one was Minami Kotori. Nico had to ask Nozomi, and yes, she was the daughter to Minami-sensei. Nico moved her head towards the door and looked at Nozomi.

"Come all the way in, Maki-san!" Nozomi said, but very sweetly. The way she has been talking to Nico-nii. "That girl writes our music, Nico-chan. She is also the girl Minami-sensei has assigned as your tutor. Say hi to Nico-chan, Maki-san."

The red-haired girl came in a little more and didn't raise her head. "I am Nishikino Maki, Yazawa-san. It is a pleasure to meet you," she said, very shaky. Nonetheless, Nico recognized the strange second-year she saw her first day back at school. The one that said "Oh God, Nico-chan!" and waved Nico away like shooing away a dog. Nikki-chan, I didn't mention it, but that girl's red hair had made an impression then, too. Nico looked at her and asked why she said "Kami-sama! Nico-chan!" and made go-away motions.

The Nishikino girl chose to assume Nico was asking Nozomi and kept silent. "We made her acquainted with how you look healthy, Nico, so she was surprised to see you all beaten up," Nozomi said. And actually, the red-haired girl had tears in her eyes even now. Was she so tender-hearted? If so, why so rude?

"Nishikino-san had some distressing news about her family, lately, including some just today, Nico-chan, but things will probably be fine. She is not upset about meeting you, though she is very shy. Please take care of her, as well," Nozomi said. But Nikki-chan? I could see that in addition to tears, Nishikino-san was shaking.

Honoka started telling Nico everything about the idol club and the practices and training for Love Live and many other things. It was overwhleming, Nikki-san, and Nico became tired. So Nico asked out loud, a little bit rude, why Kousaka-san did all the talking if Koizumi was the president now. And why not Rin-chan and Sonoda-san, who also led the practices?

"Yazawa-san, after your awful injuries, it was Honoka who organized keeping the Idol Club going. We have always kept you in mind. She created our first routines, too," Koizumi-san said gently. "Also, she is our unrestrained sometimes leader and I am just our restrained president."

Kousaka-san got a little red hearing that. It was good to see that Koizumi, though shy, had a sense of humor. The other gentle member of the club, Minami-san, makes the costumes like Nico used to. She approached Nico, and we started to talk about it a little bit. But Nico was so tired and now had a lot of pain. I am sad to say, Nikki-chan, that Nico has been crying more than smiling lately, and today was no exception. Nozomi saw Nico starting to get tears and said "We have to go now. Nico needs to get home, rest, and have some medicine. She has a lot of pain still."

So the whole new club got to see Nico tired, cranky, sad, depressed, and feeling worthless. And the new tutor didn't even talk to Nico to arrange when to meet for lessons. She just looked like a wild animal that got into the house by mistake and wanted to escape.

Nozomi helped Nico get home but we stopped at a convenience store and got food for dinner. Then Nozomi said Nico should lie down, and she helped Nico take her medicine and get into bed for a nap. Nozomi cooked dinner for all of us, and went home afterward. That is why Nico thinks Nozomi is becoming a true friend. Nico cried again after Nozomi left, but happier tears. And didn't get her nikki wet this time.


	10. I wrote a bunch yesterday Nikki-chan!

Wednesday, June? 8?, 2011

**I wrote a bunch yesterday Nikki-chan!**

But I left out lots of things. In addition to looking more womanly than I'd noticed before, Nozomi is tinting her hair purple. Like with Sonoda-san, you can only see it when the light hits it a certain way. I think Nishikino, my new tutor, has taijin kyoufushou like that girl Tomoko on Watamote. Nico has been watching some disks of it lately, sometimes it's too painful to watch, but it's fascinating. I got sent a nice photo from Nozomi. When Minami-san was talking to me about dresses, for a little while, Nico was smiling and Sonoda-san took a photo of us all (except her and Nishikino) and I look happier than I have been in a while. Nishikino messaged Nico that we should coordinate her being Nico's tutor before Nico goes back to school. She wants to meet at a kissaten where you can go in a wheelchair. She says the prefecture will already pay for it. Nico is very grateful it's not Kousaka-san that's going to be her tutor. First, she probably couldn't, second, she talks too much. Nishikino is a weirdo but she is pretty quiet. Also, she is probably the prettiest girl in the idol club. Noticing things like that is part of an idol's job, especially if you have to be a researcher or manager like Nico is right now. It's not like Nico is noticing how pretty random girls are. You would put a pretty idol like Nishikino in the center a lot - if she was properly dressed and made up. She's probably a hikikomori, too. Minami could probably make her look more presentable. Suggestions like this are a way Nico can contribute even in a wheelchair. Nico will ask Nozomi how to do that tactfully.

Today was a normal day at home and Nico needed the rest. You can tell Nico is in a better mood, Nikki-chan.


	11. SUMMARY BY YAZAWA COCORO

Thursday, June? 9?, 2011

**SUMMARY BY YAZAWA Cocoro**

> For the purpose of this, I am Yazawa Cocoro, ten years old student at Chiyoda elementary school, and the oldest imouto of Yazawa Nico. Onee-chan is watching me write this in her nikki. So I wouldn't read anything, she skipped to Thursday, although it is still Wednesday night.
> 
> When Onee-chan first came home she was crying and I begged her to tell me what she was feeling. Onee-chan was on pain medicine and doesn't well recall what she said. So I am summarizing it here. I think Nico wants to remember more. I will include what the doctor told Mama about when she saw her.
> 
> 15-year-old Yazawa Nico woke up in a hospital bed. her head was bandaged on one side and the skin under the bandage hurt. So did her arms and legs and her shoulders and her back. It seemed to match the dream she'd had. Was she still dreaming? It seemed not. Dreams didn't usually last this long without changing. And you had to concentrate on pain in dreams, the pain she had was there whether she tried to notice it or not.
> 
> "Nnn!" she groaned.
> 
> She looked around but the lights were out and only some light came through the blinds. Where was she? Nico started to cry. After a long time crying alone, she noticed there was a device with a button on it. She pushed it. When there was no response for quite a while, she tried to go back to sleep.
> 
> "Hello, I see you're awake." The light in the room was turned on.
> 
> At the foot of the bed stood a pretty woman with red hair like some of the students nowadays sported. "Do they let nurses do that?" Nico wondered. But actually, just as she thought that, she made out that behind the woman was a more obvious nurse, so this might be a doctor.
> 
> "I am Doctor Nishikino. Do you know where you are?"
> 
> "Ho-hospital," Nico got out in a weak voice. The nurse came around the doctor to the bed-side and offered Nico some water, which she drank gratefully.
> 
> "And what's your name?"
> 
> Nico was pretty sure a good hospital would already have that written on a slate hanging on the foot of the bed or something, but played along.
> 
> "Yazawa Nico."
> 
> "And how old are you?"
> 
> "I may not look like it, but I'm fifteen years old."
> 
> The doctor seemed appropriately surprised. And, for some reason, she suddenly looked more worried to Nico.
> 
> "My daughter is about that age. She is nearly sixteen. She goes to Otonokizaka Academy. Do you know her? Maki-chan?"
> 
> Maki 'chan?' huh. Clearly the doctor was talking to her like a 12-year-old. It was Nico's curse to bear.
> 
> "Madame Doctor, I don't," Nico said. She didn't have any fight in her. She was scared, in pain, confused. She wanted even patronizing comfort.
> 
> After that point my sister didn't remember what else they talked about. The doctor had the nurse give her more pain medicine and she gradually got drowsy as they talked. She remembered the doctor told her she had been very, very badly hurt and it was going to take a long time, more than a year, for her to get better. But the good news was, if Nico tried hard and worked with the therapy people, she could get all better eventually.
> 
> Nico was too polite to ask, but Doctor Nishikino told Mama she is half British and her hair is naturally a dark red. Onee-chan said she was a baka not to realize the "rude strange girl" was the Maki-chan the doctor mentioned. She told me that girl is now her tutor and she has social anxiety disorder. Nico-née named her diary on the front Nikki-chan, like the one that we can't find. She says when we find it it will be promoted to Nikki-san.

 

COMMENT BY YAZAWA Nico

Isn't Cocoro the cutest, even when she writes? "For the purposes of this, I am?" And she writes just like a novelist. When Nico woke up she remembers going "Nnnn!" because the room was so quiet it sounded loud. To remember even that - Cocoro is just amazing. Nico couldn't be more proud of her. And for ten years old, she is so mature. She's already almost as tall as Nico and her body is almost as developed. So maybe she won't be as cursed as her onee-chan.


	12. I met with my tutor, Nikki-chan!

Friday, June? 10?, 2011

**I met with my tutor, Nikki-chan!**

She seems more shy than Koizumi-san, but she's a slave driver. She said, right when we started, that she had gone over my tests, that she had two subjects she wanted me to reintroduce myself to. And she said this time a half hour was plenty. She also said if I was in too much pain we could quit even earlier, but "don't fake it, Yazawa-san, this is all for you and your future. Please imagine your mother is watching you."

Nico couldn't help looking at Nishikino a lot. Whenever she saw that, she didn't tease or scold Nico, she just pointed to something I was reading and asked a question. So very gentle, but Nico didn't take a break for a half hour. And it was Nico's two least favorite subjects, math and chemistry. Even after only a half hour, Nico's head was spinning, Nikki-chan. And somehow, when I got home I even read over all my notes completely, like Nishikino-san demanded. I don't know why I am so obedient. It is not because she is pretty or anything, Nikki-chan. She's just a good tutor, I guess.


	13. Much news, Nikki-chan!

Saturday, June? 11?, 2011

**Much news, Nikki-chan!**

First, I guess Nico has to have lo-o-ots of surgeries. Then be in the hospital for a week or two. Mama said Minami-sensei told her, and also Nozomi and Nishikino-san. Nozomi phoned me and said Either she or Nishikino can visit and bring homework and tests so Nico can practice keeping up with school before she joins. She said anyone in the idol research club can do so in a pinch. So Nico gets to be in pain, on medicine that makes it hard to think, lying in bed, doing school work. Not fun. But thank you, Nozomi, Eli, and the new idols for being nice to Nico.

Second, my tutor is pretty young! I guess she joined Otonokizaka still fourteen years old and just turned sixteen today! So she is only three months older than Nico! When Nozomi called, they were having a party for her at Homura sweet shop, which is run by Kousaka's family. Nozomi said "Nico, I am coming to get you for a short visit here, so dress nice by the time I get there. Bye-bye!"

Normally, Nico would not have gone along with such a sudden thing. But if Nico has to be in the hospital for a long time, this is probably her only chance for a while. Anyway, I had Mama and Cocoro help me dress, and I hear someone is at the door.

Before I go, Nikki-chan:

Somehow Nozomi got driven here in a car that has a trunk space for a wheelchair. She says we'll stay for half an hour then come back and she'll go back to the party. Nozomi is that sweet. I will tell you about it all tomorrow, Nikki-chan!


	14. Maki's party was good, Nikki-chan!

Sunday, June? 12?, 2011

**Maki's party was good, Nikki-chan!**

When Nico heard that Nozomi wanted her to go to a party for Nishikino-sempai that was at Kousaka-sempai's family business, she was nervous, Nikki-chan. Nico was worried she'd been a little rude to Kousaka-sempai. And she had only talked with Nishikino-sempai a little. But Nozomi said she had made friends with all of the girls in Muse and they were eager to see Nico, including Nishikino-sempai, who said please bring her.

When the car Nozomi came in got to Homura, Nozomi and the birthday girl got my wheelchair out and helped Nico into it. Nishikino-san said to call her Maki. Amazing for a tutor right? She said she was glad to see me. She said I wasn't just her study student, but her colleague in the idol club for dancing and music. The other Muse girls said the same. I met Kousaka's little sister, and re-met Ayase Alisa. Like Nozomi, she's changed a lot in a short time. Eli wasn't here, she's off in another city doing college stuff, according to Nozomi. I guess that's how you get into Kyoto or Toudai in three years.

Eli phoned to wish Maki a happy birthday. Nikki-chan, that was the only time Maki left my side the whole hour I was there. It looked like Eli was talking about some bad news for a while, Maki didn't look happy. Nico is trying to call her Maki now. Meet Maki-chan, Nikki-chan! Alisa asked her about the conversation and for some reason she looked mad. Nozomi asked her about it too. She said "I am sure she sent her regards to Nico, too." Maki looked funny but said that yeah Eli mentioned me and said it was great if Maki helped Nico lots and became friends with her - even close friends would be fine. For some reason, Nikki-chan, Nozomi looked a little unhappy hearing that. I don't think she's jealous of Maki-chan, so it's probably something Nico doesn't understand. From what Nozomi said once, both Alisa and Nozomi know Eli so well they can almost read her mind from a few words. For the rest of Muse, and for Nico, I think it's harder. Eli has a more aloof quality. Like Umi, the shy third year.

Kousaka-sempai herself baked the cake for Nishikino-sempai. It was a matcha cake with sour cherries - completely delicious. Even though it was her birthday, Maki-chan stayed and talked with Nico, and got her drinks and pushed her over to different groups to talk. Nico got tears over it. Towards the end Nico apologized to Maki-chan for crying at her birthday and Maki-chan just hugged Nico. It felt so good, Nikki-chan. I think calling her a hikikomori was a bad snap judgment by Nico.

Nico and Maki had some serious talk, too. Maki says she talked with Mama, Nozomi and Eli about Nico. Eli and Nozomi got a lawyer who will talk to Nico named Shirojima Mihae. I don't think Mama would be happy about going to court, but apparently it's a big lawsuit, so that would be less scary for her. Less scary for Nico, too. I am tired of being scared all the time, Nikki-chan. Maki-chan asked about Nico's bad dreams. Nico didn't remember a train crashing in her dreams, just being thrown around in the dark and hurt, that's it. The dream I had in the hospital - Nico remembered more in the dream, but now she can't remember all the dream. Maki-chan mentioned that Shirojima-sensei was warning her that young idols were being targeted by a sleazy agency called Talent Star-Ball right now, so if anyone from there called the Yazawa house, just hang up. I don't think even a sleazy agency is going to be calling Nico now, but thank you for thinking of me that way, Shirojima-sensei.

* * *

 

**Something Nico can only say to her nikki:**

I have noticed that Nozomi and Eli are very close, even though I don't know Eli very well and have only known Nozomi for a couple of months. Sometimes the way Nozomi talks about Eli is the way girls talked about boys they liked in middle school. Nico is not judging. An aspiring idol can't date anyway, but if girls want to practice by dating each other, even kissing, before they're adults, I think the world doesn't mind. Nico would never be like that, but even if Nozomi is like that, it doesn't make her any less sweet. Maybe Nico would be a little worried about it, but it's obvious that if Nozomi wanted to be like that, she would be that way with Eli. Maybe that's what's going on that Nozomi and Alisa were upset over. Has Nozomi confessed, or something? It could be Eli's too mature to play practice romance with a girl. It could be Eli told Maki-chan something. It may be Nico can worm things out of Maki-chan going forward.

* * *

 

**This is the more secret topic Nico was getting up her nerve to write about, Nikki-chan.**

It could be Nishikino-sempai is "like that," or just wants to play romance - with Nico-nii. She looked at Nico with such loving eyes, it was a surprise to Nico. I know she is very tender-hearted, and I guess Nozomi said nothing but the good things about Nico to her. But still. Anyway, even if Nico could never be "like that" we will be in school together another two years. Nozomi and Nico can be best friends (Nico can imagine things in her nikki) and they can date Eli and Maki until Maki graduates and then Nozomi and Eli and I graduate. And after that, we can all be lifelong friends.

I really think Nishikino-sempai wanted to kiss Nico. It was an unsettling feeling. But if she is discreet about it, Nico might allow it. But she has to be VERY discreet. Nico has enough pain and trouble in her life, and hasn't given up 100% on being a super idol yet. Maki-chan is pretty - she looked much better at her party. Being with a pretty girl like that isn't bad for your image. Also you can say later "I was very close with my sweet friend, even holding hands and kissing. We were both very young." And even if two girls being together hurt Nico's chances with the nice agencies, there's always Talent Star-ball. That's a joke, Nikki-chan.

If Nico and Maki were dating, Maki-chan would write songs for Nico. I guess she already writes for the idol club and maybe wrote for Muse in middle school (they spelled it with a Greek letter - I really wonder who came up with that. It's kind of stupid, but they probably all had chuunbiyou). Maki-chan is pretty, smart and talented and has been an angel to Nico. Nico won't say anything, but if Maki-chan does, Nico's heart is prepared.

By the way, Maki-sempai was talking about Easter a lot, nikki-chan, even though we're now into summer, and it's a spring holiday! She really likes holidays like Easter and Christmas a lot. I don't know if her family is mixed Western and Japanese, or if they're Christians. Do you think it's a pity Japan doesn't celebrate Easter, like we do Christmas? I think the younger kids would love it.


	15. These are Nico's 7 Mysteries

Monday, June? 13?, 2011

**These are Nico's 7 Mysteries**

Mystery One:

**Why was Nico on the train?**

This one is hard but as soon as Nico is a little stronger, I think Mama or someone will explain this.

Mystery Two:

**Where was Nico on the train?**

A Japan Railroad investigator called the house when Mama was away. Nico told him she could only speak to him with a lawyer present. He begged Nico to answer questions, and for some reason Nico believed him. Very roughly:

"If you can remember anything, it will help us investigate."

"Nico remembers being in the dark and her body flying into things and every time she flew into something, she felt something break inside. Nico doesn't remember anything before that." And even that, Nikki-chan, I only remember as a dream Nico had a couple of times.

"It's a pity ... Yazawa-san, we know you bought a ticket for the train. But no one punched it or checked it, and you happen to be the only passenger, alive or dead, on that run that had that status. Also, where you were found was where people thrown from the first car were found, mostly crew and some people having breakfast. But no one who survived said they saw you in the crew area or having breakfast. Our video footage doesn't show you there at any time, either. It's as if you sprinted for the first car just as the train was derailing. But no one remembers that, either. Stranger things have happened in high speed train crashes, but your case is, nonetheless, quite strange. If you remember anything, please contact me, as my job is not to minimize the damages for JR but rather to fix any shortcomings our trains or crew or procedures have which caused this to be such a tragic derailment."

Mystery Three:

**The former Idol Research Club.**

Why were Ah-chan and Mim-chan still there when Nozomi said they were gone, why did they both leave suddenly, at the same time, to the same place? Why did my Rin-san and Yuzu-san both leave suddenly at the same time?

Mystery Four:

**The music room.**

It is a cliche, but when we passed the music room, we suddenly heard the piano start playing. Nozomi said it was a ghost. It was very beautiful and skilled playing.

However, it's not a proper mystery anymore nowadays, so:

Mystery Four:

**The new Idol Research Club.**

How did they suddenly materialize at Otonokizaka, already second- and third-years, all knowing each other and all friendly, and immediately start doing routines? Is it that they were all in that Muse thing in middle school, and they are recreating it now? Of course, if we had had six more members like them, the work for me and Ageha and Mimi would have been much less, and more fun.

Mystery Five:

**Nozomi and Eli**

What is going on with them? Are they fighting? Is Alisa siding with Nozomi? Did Nozomi confess? A couple of times Nozomi rubbed Nico's breasts to tease her, but normal girls don't do that. Why hasn't Eli come back from her college hunting, or has she? This is an important mystery, since Nico is unfortunately somewhat dependent on Nozomi, Eli, and now Maki for help. Also, why does Nozomi have so much time off from school chores to help Nico? Nico is grateful, though. It seems like it is Principal Minami's doing, but I hope it doesn't harm Nozomi's school progress.

Mystery Six:

**Maki**

Who is she, and why did she do the weird things she did at first and how did she and Nico get so close in such a short time? In a way it's like the mystery of Nozomi. Nozomi told me the car that took me to Maki's party was Maki's family car and that a hired driver drove it. If Maki's family can afford a hired driver whenever they feel like it, why would she need to tutor anyone, including Nico? But she seems to be good at it. Is she a girl-liking girl, or just a lonely friend-seeking girl?

Mystery Seven:

**Nico.**

How badly is Nico crippled? Have I lost my memory or my ability to do school work? Will I have seizures? Will my arm and leg heal straight or be crooked for life? How long was Nico in the hospital before she woke up?

This one should clear up soon, too. Doctor Nishikino is probably ready to tell Nico the answers now. Or after the surgeries, at least.


	16. One mystery goes, another arrives, Nikki-chan!

Tuesday, June? 14?, 2011

**One mystery goes, another arrives, Nikki-chan!**

Nico finally broke down and asked Cocoro why Nico was on that train. Cocoro was very flustered.

"You were checking on a performing arts college, Onee-chan," she finally said.

So Nico is just like Eli, I guess. Planning ahead three years. But why wouldn't Nico remember anything about it? It must have been sudden, but still. There are definitely gaps in Nico's memories. Maybe Nico will dream about it.

But the other mystery that arose: Nico thought she had heard of Talent Star-Ball. They aren't considered sleazy or fly-by-night or anything. They represent and broker everyone - idols, producers and directors and session musicians and actors and actresses and singers and dancers alike. They tend to sell packages and are very powerful in the entertainment world. They seem like the last agency that would ever target new young idols for something fraudulent. Maybe they have suddenly fallen on hard times, but if so, that should be in the variety papers and web sites.

The ghost in the music room was Nishikino-sempai. Nozomi told me. "I bet you were disappointed it wasn't a cute little ghost to haunt Nico's bed at night, but then happy it was Maki-chan?" When did Nozomi talk like that, and to me? Is Nico acting like a girl-lover the way Maki and Nozomi do? Maybe Nico has to watch where she looks and her expressions. Nico was asking Nozomi about the Idol Research Club, and Nozomi said Ah-chan and Mim-chan had already left Otanokizaka and were just back to talk to their last homeroom teacher about school matters and recommendations. That's why she was as surprised as me to see them there. She said Nitta-san and Sera-san had left much earlier. Nikki-chan, did you think Nico was just going to sit in seiza and contemplate her mysteries?

 

Writing in you again, Nico can't sleep

 

**"You thought you were so smart with your letter, did you?"**

That was a voice Nico heard in a dream. Somehow, somehow, it made Nico so frightened she can't sleep now. I feel like Nico is almost remembering something she dreamed about before she woke up in the hospital. But Nico is too doki-doki to sleep now.

Nikki-chan, Nico practiced English once by doing poems in a way Eli taught her when she came over where Nozomi and Nico were going over their notes from English class. That's the only class Nico had with Nozomi. I wonder if Nico will go back into it. Anyway, Eli showed us how to do it. It's a lot like a song. Nico will write for practice and to take her mind off her bad dream.

 

> When Nico was a little child
> 
> The grownups said she was a doll
> 
> And let her run a little wild
> 
> Because she was so cute and small
> 
> And Nico liked to spin and wiggle
> 
> And strut and wink and grin and giggle
> 
> And like a fairy princess dance
> 
> For any crowd or time or chance
> 
> But dolls find little time remaining
> 
> You pull the string but no one talks
> 
> You leave her broken in the box
> 
> You close the lid without explaining
> 
> The light and comfort go away
> 
> To wait for never-coming day.

 


	17. Hospital again, Nikki-chan

Friday, June? 17?, 2011

**Hospital again, Nikki-chan**

Pain again, medicine again, sleepy cranky Nico again. But this time she knows why she's here - three more surgeries. Mama and the young ones came this afternoon. After they left, my tutor came. Mama brought you, Nikki-chan, and Maki-sempai brought print-outs and notes from a girl in the class Nico would go into as soon as she's ready. She brought a book, too. Apparently even in pain in the hospital Nico must be tutored. But it was okay, Nikki-chan. She's so kind, and Nico needed the company. Maki-sempai read from the book and quizzed Nico a bit for about a half hour (but with breaks).

Maki-sempai is very studious, as suits a person who will study medicine, I noticed she had a book on brain injuries with her, and she had a note card in it that fell out as she pushed it out of the way to put Nico's print-outs next to her. Written at the top was "gyakukousei kenboushou does not always obey Ribot's Law and it is not confirmation of the standard memory model. A competing theory holds that the sea-horse is active in fetching memories no matter how old." First of all, what is going backwards amnesia, it sounds scary. What on earth does a seahorse have to do with remembering anything? Nico is a little intimidated by Nishikino-sempai right now. Nico pictures having a little sea-horse in her head that fetches memories, but Nico thought Maki-sempai wouldn't think that was very good.

Next week, Nico starts physical therapy, and in addition to the therapist, my tutor, who spends even more time with me than Nozomi did, now, is going to observe so she can help Nico at home. Maki says Nozomi, also, has to be away for a while doing college stuff. Nico tries to understand how even good first-years can skip school to look for colleges. I guess that's something the elite can do. Nico won't lie, if she has to do painful therapy with no end in sight, at least Nishikino-sempai is nice and sympathetic to Nico. Nico will appreciate the company.

Did Nico over-step, I wonder? Nico asked her what gyakukousei amnesia was, who Ribot was, and what did a sea-horse have to do with remembering anything? Nico blames the medication. Maki-sempai, who is very tender-hearted, teared up immediately and couldn't speak for a while. She said when people have injuries to the head, sometimes they get amnesia just like in the movies, and that's called gyakukousei amnesia. She says Ribot was a French man who died a long, long time ago who studied it. She says there really is a thing in the brain called the seahorse that does fetch memories. It was called that because it kind of looks like one. She said most people that get that amnesia basically forget how they got hit on the head, and that's it. But some people lose "declaring" "diary" memories, and sometimes for a long stretch of time.

Nico asked Maki-sempai if she was going to work with people with head injuries. It sounds like a kind of sad thing to work with, though I guess they're probably grateful. She said, "kind of." She noticed the card and put it back marking her place in the book after she found it. Maki-sempai said more people with head injuries get "forward" amnesia - it's hard to make new memories, or they can't. Every day the slate is cleaned from yesterday and their lives are effectively over the last time they can remember. That sounds way worse than gyakukousei kenboushou. Nishikino-sempai agreed it was worse and backwards amnesia victims were more lucky. Especially if they couldn't remember being injured.

Maki-sempai made an effort to change the subject to cheerful things. She said when doing physical therapy at home, Nico can watch school idols. Nico can train herself to remember without straining anything. "I think you will be back on stage within about a year, Nico-chan," she said. Like Rin-chan, Maki-sempai is starting to get familiar with Nico sometimes. Anyway Maki says the secret to getting what you want done is to never ask what you can't do to advance, but only what you can do. From anyone else, Nico would have rolled her eyes, but Maki-sempai doesn't just say things like that, she lives them. When she left, Nico felt better, just like when Mama and the little ones visited earlier today.

To try out Maki-sempai's claim, Nikki-chan, Nico wrote in you although she's been dizzy and sleepy and in terrible pain the who-ole time. But now Nico has found her absolute limit, so oyasumi, Nikki-chan.

 

* * *

 

**Maki-sempai is crazy, Nikki-chan!**

I am turning on the little light Mama brought me and writing again. Why, nikki-chan? Because when Nico went to go to her hard-earned sleep, there was a lump in her pillow. And that lump was an egg boro-boro! The kind I sometimes buy Coco and Cotarou. It could only be the work of Maki-sempai, but how?

I think she took advantage of Nico's wooziness. Anyway, there was another one in the flowers, and Nico can see one in the windowsill now that someone will have to fetch for her. There may be more.

I suppose this is Maki-sempai's version of Easter-egg hunting. In mid-June.


	18. If there is one thing this world is good at, Nikki-chan

Saturday, June? 18?, 2011

**If there is one thing this world is good at, Nikki-chan,**

 

It is finding new ways to make sure Nico cries every day.

If a day is missed, that's only incentive to make the next day even more sad. Nico was recovering from her surgery last night, and Mama came to visit. She was on her way from her weekend job so the siblings were not with her. Nico made the mistake of asking if she knew why my ghost members had gone away. Mama said Rin was going to another school by choice and Yuzu-chan had transferred schools because of her father's job. That's the kind of thing that Nozomi is worried about, because that happened to her a lot.

Rin has a cousin who is a year younger than her, Ayabito Kaoru, that Nico was planning on having join the idol club after they were successful in Nico's second year. Nico met her twice with Rin, who Nico did not know very well, and Nico and Kaoru-chan got along well. She was cute and more enthusiastic than Rin. She said she really wanted to be in an idol club. Nico mentioned her to Mama and asked if she was still going to go to Otonokizaka. Nico would still like to see if she wanted to be in the idol club. Mama sighed and looked at Nico very seriously.

"The girls, Ageha and Mimi, were told by Rin that Kaoru was missing after the tsunami and where she was traveling was hard hit. It is assumed she is no longer with us, Nico-chan."

With all the sadness in Nico's life, she was not thinking about the recent disaster, but I guess I can't get away with anything, huh? Nico thinks that, like Rin, Kaoru-chan was very big on makeup and clothes and hair. At first Rin was excited about idol club, but when she found out it was a lot of work and sweaty and grubby, she changed her mind. She was determined to find a handsome, rich boyfriend who would marry her. She said Kaoru was the same.

It's funny to think of a girl almost my age, with her goals, and now she's nowhere at all. It's terrifying and it's depressing. Mama said Nozomi knew but felt it was better if Mama told Nico if she asked. Over break Yuzu said she and Rin would be full members of an idol club, but then Rin told her to tell me she could only be a ghost member to let Nico start the club. Kaoru-chan being missing must have affected her. And since she was friends with Yuzu, maybe Rin saying she didn't want to be active convinced her to just be a ghost member, too.

So Nico cried and Mama held me as much as she could with all the things in Nico. Sometimes I think Nozomi and Maki both wouldn't hold it against Nico if she cried. Not everyone is an audience, and not everyone is Nico's job to make smile all the time. Even making people smile needs a break now and then. Someone could say a girl only talked-with a couple of times in middle school being gone is not a tragedy, but it is very sad.


	19. It turned out to be tomorrow, Nikki-chan

_Sunday, June? 19? 2011_

**It turned out to be "tomorrow."**

And it is. And it is.

Dr. Nishikino looked Nico over and said she was ready to be evaluated to start.

The young woman who will do Nico's therapy came in. Her name is Sakamaki Reina. She said her younger sister Chizuko is a school idol like Nico - second-year at Shion Girls Academy. She even showed me a picture of her. She looks more like Nozomi than she does like her sister. Same large breasts and mature body, and she even puts purple highlights in her hair. Nico must have looked too long or something, because the therapy girl laughed. "Yeah, she's a beauty, isn't she? And she knows it, the little brat. I dunno if you'd be her type, though … Anyway, from what I hear …" at that point Dr. Nishikino said we had no time to waste, so they started Nico out by stretching and testing her arms and legs. They didn't do anything that would harm the parts in casts. Still, being stretched and bent and measured really hurt Nico, even with more pain medicine. Towards the end, my tutor arrived. Dr. Nishikino explained that her daughter had offered to help with the therapy once Nico is released. Maki-sempai didn't even speak to say she wouldn't get in the way, she just stood back and observed everything. She fetched Nico water and pain medicine, too.

As usual, things didn't add up with her. It's pretty clear she likes Nico, but to spend so much time helping Nico is still unusual. Nico had a funny thought: Maki-sempai would be well-known at the hospital. What if Reina had taken Nico's jealousy over her sister's more sexy body for … interest? Was girls being like that so common nowadays and Nico missed it? Surely not in Japan. But anyway … what if she was going to say something like .. "From what I hear, Maki has already staked a claim to you."

Nico is not used to thinking thoughts like that, Nikki-chan.


	20. Nico doesn't understand the Idol Research Club anymore, Nikki-chan

Monday? June? 20? 2011

**Nico doesn't understand the Idol Research club anymore, Nikki-chan.**

Before more pain-filled physical therapy, and even more painful tutoring - Nico couldn't have pain medicine, so she could concentrate. Never mind that pain makes it hard to concentrate. Nico can now really see how Maki-sempai is the child of doctors. Worse, it was only Nico's hardest subjects, which we had been avoiding until now. There was a ray of sunshine - Maki-sempai suddenly had Nico do vocal practice. At first it seemed like it was insulting Nico, but then came the realization that this is the only idol practice Nico is going to get for the foreseeable future. Also, Maki enjoying herself makes Nico want to play along. Nico never said Maki-sempai doesn't have a cute side, after all.

But anyway, before all that, Nico had two visitors today. Namely, the cute little sisters of Kousaka and Ayase sempais. Apparently, they are joining the Idol Research club. How that can be, or in what way, Nico doesn't know. It is painful how Nico's club is slipping away, yet also heartwarming that something Nico created seems to have quite a future. Nico thought Ayase Alisa was quite a bit younger than Ayase-sempai, but she guesses that was wrong. Apparently, the two little sisters already do idol practice and will be entering Otonokizaka this coming year!

Nico will say they were properly respectful. Nico now has even more to live up to. It is sad, but Maki's points about how life won't wait for Nico to stop hurting are the truth. Maki-sempai wasn't her usual flirty self, but was all business today. Maki told me she asked for help from a successful school idol at the ritzy UTX, a girl name Tsubasa. She says that they looked at the video we made of Nico, Mimi and Agaha practicing and the idol girl can suggest pointers. Mostly about singing for Nico, since Agaha and Mimi have given up.

Maki-sempai said that, if Nico works hard, if she wears braces faithfully, if she is always cautious and knows her limits, she can start idol training to a degree in six months. That's a long time in school idol years, but it's better than what Nico expected, let's be honest.

Also, Nikki-chan, Nico had another puzzling dream about a voice talking about a letter last night. It would be better if Nico could either remember what they're about, or not have them.

Ayase Alisa brought a can of " _Sweet Red Bean Soup with Rice Cake Green Tea Flavor"_ for Nico today. Kousaka Yuhiko looked embarrassed. It could be the Ayase girl buys such weird things often. But Nico drank some of it while they visited, and said it was delicious. And it was, surprisingly, Nikki-chan! Nico is drinking it right now. Oyasuminasai!


	21. Omake: Happy Birthday, Nico!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We jump ahead until after The Day. Regular chapters of Reset Diary: Nico will resume after this break.

_Friday, July? 22?, 2011_

**Happy Birthday to Nico (I guess)**

Every day Nico wakes up, it's like everything that happened the day before must have been a dream. Nikki-chan, if you see among the presents Maki-chan left Nico, that there is Nico's long lost diary, Nikki-san, don't worry. You have been the only audience for Nico more times than she cares to remember. No matter what Nico reads there - and so far, it is only about the three birthdays Nico missed - you will always be Nico's dearest possession. Despite the fantastic story everyone had to tell Nico - and frightening, so frightening - as promised earlier, Nico had her birthday party today. This year, Nico's birthday comes twice. Nico's thoughts are still too muddled to remember what day it "really" is, but she thinks it's "really" near the end of May. So in a couple months, I get a second birthday. Mama says it's fine - it will make up for one of the birthdays I missed.

The rule for most people is going to be that Nico is as old as she feels. Nico being an ichi-nensei at Otonokiza will be weird enough, I guess, without dragging her "real" age into it. Two of those birthdays, Nikki-chan, if we read between the lines, were kind of sad. Nico was very lonely and friendless. The third one was quite different. You can read the love shining out for those girls in the idol club, and especially for Maki-sempai. Even if we become girlfriends even - dare I write - lovers - are you old enough to hear that, Nikki-chan? - as my tutor has plainly said she wants, I am used to calling her Maki-sempai, so that is how it will continue. After Nico read about that party, she cried. You are very used to Nico being a crybaby, I guess. And Nico let Maki kiss her. Seemingly, it was somewhere out of the way, but somehow Cocoro found us and told everyone. It was so embarrassing, but everyone just cheered us on.

It is not everyone, faced with their grumpy, poor, handicapped former girlfriend who doesn't even know who they are, who would set out to win their heart again. Maki-chan is no ordinary girl, and you would have to be much dumber than Nico not to see that.

My presents were very good this year. It's a combination of money coming in, everyone chipping in to get things for Nico to do while she is still not very mobile, and, probably, making Nico feel better about being in a fool's paradise for months. One of the best presents was what Cocoro said. She showed off her real school uniform, and told Nico that, when Nico is a third-year, Cocoro will be a first-year. Apparently, Otonokizaka National Girls Academy became a big deal in the press, and its future is at least secure for that long. It will be strange, but much-missed, to be in the same school as Cocoro, which hasn't been since primary school.

So. Nico has the truth at last. She has most of her mysteries solved, but still enough left to keep her stimulated. She has a real future - Maki-sempai is such a good tutor Nico will have no problem finishing this first year with good grades. She has a new set of friends who are dear and helpful. And above all, she has Maki-chan. Just thinking about how good she is to Nico is making me cry again, Nikki-chan, sorry.

But Nikki-chan, I couldn't have made it this far without you.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N
> 
> I used a reasonable amount of Japanese words in Niko's diary - and some in Maki's - to give them atmosphere and more in Niko's diary to give Niko a different voice than Maki (in addition to many other changes for the same purpose). I will try to put all of them here in the order they appear. I may also put notes on the works so far. Both Niko and Maki's diary stories are finished, except for what I'm calling in my mind "the boring middle part." the last few chapters of both are finished, so the stories are almost finished. I may also put in notes on the stories so far.
> 
> -chan (familiar and affectionate [FAA])
> 
> onee-san - big sister
> 
> nikki - diary (NOTE: I wonder if some people saw this: "Niko cried again after Nozomi left, but happier tears. And didn't get her nikki wet this time." and thought it was dirty ;)
> 
> nikoniko - to smile
> 
> nii - could be "broth" or "brother" but could be the young ones trying to say Niko-nee and messing up. Niko often calls herself Niko-nii. Could also be just an extra, long "ni" for "in or to" as in "anata-no haato ni nikoniko ni-i." "I (send) a smile in to your heart."
> 
> Kami-sama - (O) God
> 
> sempai - upperclasswoman, senior
> 
> ichinensei - first-year
> 
> gravure idol (guradoru) - the kind of models that appear in Maxim or Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue
> 
> -kun (FAA, boyish)
> 
> sensei - teacher, principal, doctor, lawyer, etc. Professional.
> 
> Ah-chan - abbreviation of Ageha here
> 
> Mim-chan - abbreviation of Mimi
> 
> Rin - Nitta Rin, not Hoshizoro Rin
> 
> hajimemashite - pleased to meet you
> 
> yoroshiku - much obliged
> 
> shoganai/shikataganai - it can't be helped
> 
> osashiburi - long time, no see.
> 
> NEET - English expression Not in Education, Employment or Training. Popular in Japan.
> 
> cat's forehead (neko no hitai) - something tiny, usually TOO tiny. If your place is ON one it's like saying my room could fit on a postage stamp.
> 
> ghost member (gousutomenbaa) - to keep a small club eligible it signs up girls who won't attend it.
> 
> gal (gyaru) - kind of outdated, meaning a girl who bleaches her hair and wears flashy clothes and makeup but is also tough or trampy, but Niko can't come up with a more modern way to say it.
> 
> "un" - yeah, yep
> 
> "hai" - yes
> 
> genki - lively and hyper
> 
> convenience store (konbeno) - grocery store
> 
> taijin kyōfushō - commonest social anxiety disorder [SAD] in Japan
> 
> hikikomori - loner, shut-in
> 
> onee-chan - big sister FAA
> 
> Todai - Tokyo University
> 
> Kyoto - Kyoto University
> 
> matcha - green tea powder
> 
> 7 mysteries (nanatsu no nazo) - for some reason every school has exactly seven. It's almost traditional that one be a ghost in the music room.
> 
> gyakukousei kenboushou - retrograde amnesia. The commonest amnesia in movies - or fan fiction.
> 
> Ribot's Law - basically, with retrograde amnesia, the memories nearest in time to the trauma are the likeliest to disappear.
> 
> sea-horse (kaiba) - sea-horse, also the hippocampus
> 
> oyasumi - 'nite
> 
> Niko's emo poem - Written in English, it follows the "Pushkin Sonnet" form used for "Eugene Onegin." Eli taught her that form, as she says. Two years before the animated series starts, fresh out of middle school, Niko was actually better at English as well as every other subject. Two years of depression in high school have made her almost completely unmotivated when the Muse girls encounter her.
> 
> Fun Fact: As I was writing this I was translating a doujin page in the Muse Unrequited series. The first kanji in Hanayo's name is "flower." In Japanese the onyomi for that is "ka" and the kunyomi is "hana" but when I tried putting it in Google translate, it split the difference and called her Kanayo! I don't know if that's some sort of inside joke.


End file.
